Easy Steps to Dealing With Autistic Child

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Young autistic people have unique needs that can be met effectively, given the right support. It is the responsibility of the caregiver to tailor this advice to the child's needs. With time, both the guardian and child will benefit dramatically from following a well laid out care plan.

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   Learn the basics about autism. Autism is a pervasive neurodevelopmental disability that affects people across the lifespan—from in utero to adulthood.^[1] Autistic brains diverge from non-autistic brains in significant ways. Autistic people often have unique ways of thinking, different sensory processing, differences in socialization and communication, have intense interests, and/or need more support in activities of daily living.^[2] The following tips are general and you will need to tailor them to your child.

   • Think of autistic traits as being like a sundae bar. Each person gets a different combination with different amounts of each trait.

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   Recognize that "autistic behavior" helps your child feel better. Your child's behavior isn't bizarre or disordered. It's something that makes sense to them based on their needs and feelings. Suppressing this type of behavior can worsen their mental health.

   • Avoiding eye contact helps them listen and think better.
   • Fidgeting helps them stay calmer and more focused. Rocking, lining up toys, finger flicking, and other things entertain and calm them.^[3]
   • Special interests provide a sense of joy and balance.

   Did You Know? While autistic kids need outlets, it's okay to intervene if they're doing something that's harmful or majorly disruptive. For example, skin-picking and head-banging aren't healthy. Instead of taking away their outlet, try to help them find a healthier one.

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   Ask autistic adults for advice on things that confuse you. If you're non-autistic, you may find that your child's behavior doesn't seem to make sense to you. It's like trying to understand a cat if you're only used to dogs.^[4] It might seem mysterious to you at first, but you can learn to understand it. Asking people with experience can help.

   • Online, you can read from the hashtags #ActuallyAutistic and #AskingAutistics/#AskAnAutistic.

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   Do your best to reduce stress in their lives. Too much stress on your kid can increase meltdowns, sensory sensitivities, and other issues—which isn't fun for you and definitely isn't fun for your kid. While your child will need to learn to handle stress, try to make home life relatively calm and predictable.

   • This doesn't mean getting rid of all stress or treating your child like a delicate flower. Instead, try to make it so that everyday life doesn't involve fighting too many battles.

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   Designate a quiet zone where your child can retreat when they need to be alone. Make this place somewhere quiet and minimize interruptions when the child is in there. This way, they know they can go to their safe space if they get overwhelmed.

   • Respecting the quiet zone also reduces the risk of the child running away. If they know they can get somewhere quiet and calm in the house, they're less likely to seek it outside.

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   Provide structure if needed. Many, but not all, autistic people thrive on consistency and routine. If this description fits your child, try to structure your activities as much as possible, while giving your child the skills to deal with inevitable change. If you think it would be helpful for your child, create a visual schedule or a calendar with pictures. This will be helpful for the child to picture upcoming events and expected daily happenings.

   • Be understanding and gentle when changes need to happen. Schedule changes (like surprise guests or a spontaneous outing) may stress out the child. If your child struggles with these, be honest and patient.

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   Talk about ways to handle stress. Coping with sensory issues, changes, and the challenges of a non-autistic world won't be easy for your child. So help them prepare to handle stress. During a calm time, talk about ways to de-stress.

   • Box breathing (inhaling on a count of four, holding for a count of four, exhaling for a count of four, and holding for a count of four)
   • Counting
   • Going to their quiet place for a while

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   Embrace their interests , quirky or not. Autistic kids tend to focus on one or two favorite things (like otters, African history, or rocks). These are incredibly important to them and are a great way to bond. Ask questions, read books about them, buy gifts related to them, and show them that you care. It makes your child's life much more fun.

   • Special interests are a great way to make things more fun for the child: learning, reading, waiting at the doctor's office, and more. Adding the interest is a great way to cheer up and motivate your child.
   • Even if the child can't talk, they can still love to share their interests with you.

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   Explain things that the child doesn't understand and give opportunities for practice. Autistic kids might not naturally pick up on certain skills, especially social skills. This isn't their fault. They just need someone to explain and help them practice. Do your best to give clear, specific, and non-judgmental explanations of what they need to know. Here are some examples of things you might say:

   • "I know you like the feeling of pushing. When you push a person, though, they might fall and get hurt. They don't like that and they might feel scared or sad. So next time you need to push, try pushing a wall or a chair. Walls and chairs don't have feelings, so it's okay to push them."
   • "I know that you tend to stare into space when you are listening to someone. Most non-autistic people are a little different. They usually look at whatever they're thinking about. So if someone is looking at the clock a lot, they might be worried about the time and whether they're late. And if they look at the door a lot, it might mean they want to leave."

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   Give them ability-appropriate responsibilities and independence skills. Autistic kids can and should learn some basic independence skills. Meet them where they're at and gently teach them new things. This is important for their future well-being.

   • Start small. First, let them watch you do a chore while you explain what you're doing. Then, let them help you with it. Next, let them do it while you watch and offer practical or emotional support. Later, they may be ready to do it on their own.
   • Use reminders as needed. For example, it's okay to tape tooth-brushing instructions or a nightly self-care to-do list to the bathroom mirror.
   • If things don't get done, try to integrate them into the child's routine so that it feels more natural. Taking initiative can be hard for autistic people, but it's easier if they're used to transitioning from one task to another every day.

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   Talk about social situations in books and movies. Many autistic kids struggle with figuring out what other people are thinking and feeling. This is a great way to practice and learn. Talk about how the characters might feel about different situations.

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   Arrange playdates for your child. See if they connect with some of the gentler, kinder kids in their age group. It's also okay for them to play with older or younger kids. And there's nothing wrong with playdates with other autistic or neurodivergent kids too.

   • If visiting other kids' houses is too stressful, try hosting.
   • It's good for autistic kids to have both autistic and non-autistic friends. However, it's better to have no non-autistic friends than to have fake or mean ones.

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   Tell them about autism. At some point in life, they'll notice that they're different. Not knowing why can lead to feelings of isolation and inferiority. If you explain autism, you can help frame it as a difference instead of something "wrong" with them. Let them know about the good parts as well as the challenges.^[5]

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   Work on their skills, not just their weaknesses. Your child isn't just a list of deficits.^[6] Invest in their interests and strengths. These are good for your child both practically and emotionally.

   • See if your child might like to participate in a club or class related to an interest.
   • Get lots of library books about their interests.
   • Try to talk more about your child's strengths than weaknesses when they can hear you.

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   Encourage them to be assertive about their needs. Too many autistic kids grow up feeling like their needs are a burden.^[7] Let them know that they have a right to speak up when something hurts them.

   • Let them speak up for themselves with you, even if it's not always convenient to you. Pay attention and acknowledge their feelings. Even if you can't do what they want, show that you hear them and you care.
   • Compliance training, even if it's called "therapy" or "teaching," will hurt your child in the long term. If someone is teaching your child to obey without question, even if it causes the child pain or major distress, that's a problem.

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   Treat their emotions like they're important. Even if you don't know why they feel the way they do, that feeling matters. Show them that the way they experience the world, even if it's unique, is important. Validate their feelings and do your best to help.

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   Show them how much you love them. A secure attachment to you will help a child feel more secure about themselves. Work on being a loving, patient, and understanding caregiver. You won't always do a perfect job, and you'll need to apologize for some mistakes along the way. That's okay. Keep doing your best and helping them feel safe and loved.

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• There are many great books and resources online for autistic children. Do your own research and learning to help broaden your understanding.

• Later in their life, you will have to make things less routine for them. They need to learn to be flexible when things don't go as planned.

• Avoid seeing autism as a bad thing or something that needs to be "fixed". An autistic person is fine the way they are, they do not need to conform to neurotypical standards.

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• Be mindful of what therapies you give your child, some can be abuse. Behaviourist therapies, such as ABA are known to do more damage than good.

• There is no cure for autism, nor should there be. If anyone is advertising a cure for autism, it is a scam.

• Avoid sources such as Autism Speaks or any other sources that portray autism as a burden or tragedy. Remember autistic people are the most informed about their own disability.

• It is a difficult task to handle the unknown, many of tips given may or may not work. It will be trial and error. A positive outlook never hurts.

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Source: https://www.wikihow.com/Raise-an-Autistic-Child

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